Causes insanity in my mind.
Man it’s the first time that I felt so depressed during the holidays. Haven’t stop thinking about ‘it’ since I came back from the Gold Coast. Tho… I rather find out the truth sooner than later. Gives me more time to think.
Everyone’s gone to the beach today. I don’t really feel like going. It would be easier to get around with my car… but then again…after my stupidity at the Gold Coast… I don’t think I’ll be going back in a long time….
Yes… thinking about ‘it’ is making me feel emo >.< I feel like I can’t do anything helpful now… I feel so…dead. And useless.
Normally in a situation like this, I need my sister. And every time I think about ‘it’ I think about her… well like…wth…. I think about her every single day. I keep thinking, “maybe… maybe if I go in her mind like I sometimes do to others…. I’ll solve this quicker and all would be well”
*thinks*
*thinks harder*
….ppl say I’m JUST like her but I’m NOT like her at all!!!
This is hopeless… I can’t do anything…. I’m lying on the ground…. Lost…. Surrendered…. Tired…. Ready to take any foreign object to go in my body. Let my demons take over my mind once in a while, before I fight again.
I’m just being stupid… I dunno… why do I go all depressed if I got an offer that’s takes me one step towards my career?
Was it worth filling in 11 forms and 2 interview-style questionnaires at why I deserve to be their student?
I dunno… sis said to open more doors… she said… to also apply to unis in the west side… that way… if I do go there, I’ll live with her… she said that she needs to keep an eye on me…………….
*holds back tears* I’m fine.
So…what is ‘it’ and why is ‘it’ making me go insane?
Well…. Vic uni…. Getting closer to getting a place to live…. Fees needs to paid…. Etc etc etc….
Then my friend reminded me to check my UAC offer on the net
(oh crap…I should check mine too… but I’m 100% POSITIVE that I will not get an offer in main round)
*checks*
(I’m in big trouble…………)
My offer was my first preference to do paramedics at Charles Sturt Bathurst in NSW
And I immediately think of the pros and cons…. Go back to research to refresh her mind.
Why do I deserve an offer to study at a top 10 uni?
I mean…..my predictions are normally right….. my results were like…. 10 points below standard….. and apparently I ignored their everyday phonecalls while I was at Gold Coast. And I’m given an opportunity to study at one of the top paramedic places. Nah….that can’t be right…. *looks again* ……………….*is speechless……*
WHY?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?! My prediction is wrong!!!!!!!!!!! No!!!!!!!!
Pros to go to NSW:
- Top 10 uni~ in aus
- Better education
- I believe that I don’t have to pay…its CSP
- I can explore Bathurst and is more likely to study better is a different environment.
- Don’t really need to worry about house hunting… there’s on campus accommodation
- It’s a trimester not a semester….. I get a whole September off and a min 3 weeks off in June and….i can’t remember ^.^”
Pros to go to Vic Uni:
- Clinical placements in first year
- Able to work at Kmart knox
- Don’t need to worry about what stuff to take with me…. I can take as many things I want to St Albans/Sunshine
- At least I can see my family every weekend…
- According to the ENTER scores the highest for vic uni is paramedics
Cons to go to NSW:
- Lose my job completely….
- Need to pay accommodation (like a bit over $4600)
- Need airplane tickets… (like….$1000 a year going back and forth)
- I have me….and a luggage…..so I have to carry only my necessities…
- It will be a long time to see my family again
- And….who’s gonna drive my car???
- $$$ spend on books and uniform?
- It’s a waste of all that effort that my family went to to get a unit…
Cons to go to Vic Uni:
- *cough* slightly *cough*dodgy* cough education ? (look at the ENTER scores..)
- St Albans??? A tad unsafe to go out at night…
- Need to contribute partially to my fees….. like…almost $3000
- Books are really expensive o.o and uniform….
- On campus accommodation not provided…house hunt….
- In a RISK of losing my job…. (found out last night)
I cbb counting which is better….. the only thing I’m most worried about is:
“what at the chances that the ambulance service will employ me cos I graduated from vic uni compared to a top 10 uni like Charles Sturt?”
One of my relatives…cousin….studied to be a paramedic….but he never got a job for no reason!!! He even lasered his eyes and he still could get in…. o.0
Is that gonna happen to me too?
But I do agree with what Kriz and Yvonne said… it’s all about the effort…
But several places tend to look at “where were they from” first. Employment rates at unis are different…Monash is almost 100%
Sigh… either way….i’m either gonna lose my job….or I’m at a risk of losing my job. I need to work a minimum of 2 shifts a week to secure my position.
I still wonder why I’m still chosen to study at NSW… maybe because….
- I aced my questionnaire? It was all like interview type questions on why I deserve to be a paramedic
- They are sympathetic??? I mentioned in my questionnaire my problem last year
- I’m from interstate?? o.0 just like my high school friend who is studying interstate.
Well….now that I know that offer exists….i and still waiting on the UAC letter….
*hears postman taking some time at my letterbox….*
I have a feeling my family is gonna find out soon….. this is gonna be ugly…. I think I should go there and chuck it out before they see it….
Dad’s soo nosey >.> he’s opening my Deakin letters I chucked out…. That’s nursing at Deakin (Geelong) dw I shall be spared from the deakin anime club XD
Sigh…. I think I should end this long long blog…..
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
So…
I have a bit of free time. So I might as well update and post my first blog of the year.
Been a tad busy recently. I’ve been going to St Albans to have a look at the units and see if it does look like the picture on the website. I was supposed to have a week off cos I wasn’t on the roster but when I went to check my roster for next week (which I wasn’t on again…) my manager saw me and begged me to work…..’now’ in a way… he gave me about an hour or two to get ready for work. And I was in my casual clothes. Meh….I had nothing to do. My outing with my friend was cancelled and it was changed to today… but it was cancelled again. Oh well…
I thought my house hunting had come to an end yesterday… but its not. We were intending to end this house hunting yesterday…. But getting a place to live isn’t official yet. It’s been really really hard. I’ll get back to that shortly.
There seems to be paranoia in the streets… ppl start to get out and ask us what we were doing and others peaked through their window. Yesterday we limited the number of houses to a few. Well….two in St Albans… one was a unit on the main road. Went for the inspection…outside looked nice and inside looked decent from the pictures on the net. We went in and the agent said that the unit doesn’t have gas. (!!!!) and we noticed a thick crack on the wall that ran from the roof to almost the floor. (just a plaster crack…but still….there’s a lot of work to be done) and the family isn’t moving til at least 60 days. That’s almost 4 months… 4 months of me driving there!!!
Well chances are…I’m not gonna move houses in time…
The other unit in St Albans….we cancelled the inspection cos my family is paranoid that I’m gonna get hurt. There are big trees on both the front and back of the house… and its bad luck in a way….
So…..its possibly that I’ll be moving to Sunshine. Which is near St Albans.
I went to one unit and it was like….30 mins til inspection time so my dad and my bro went out to the other unit in Sunshine to check the outside. Turns out it didn’t look as good as the picture for the balcony is rusted and stuff…and no parking space.
So 0 in St Albans. 1 in Sunshine.
The unit is newly renovated so it is in good condition. Big parking space. Bus stop, shops and train station are nearby. Like 5-10 mins walk. And I spoke to a few neighbours in that….10 unit place…most of them are elderly and retired. So its quiet. And they are friendly. Oh and there is a reserve across the road. Another family and some….other guy turned up to the inspection as well….so it’s a competition as to who gets it first. We already made an offer… we just need to wait for a phonecall to see if we do get it. I really do hope I do live there. The neighbours are nice and they know EVERYONE there. Meaning they look after each other. Compared to the unit in St Albans….
Soo…I’m starting to lose hope…..what’s kinda bad is that my family is going to the Gold Coast. So we can’t house hunt and stuff…
Yesterday my family also went out to eat and catch up with our relatives who came for a visit from Perth. They know that I’m changing course and my cousins husband, who is a doctor, said something along the lines of ‘it’s interesting on what you’ll do’ and mentioned his cousin wanted to be a paramedic but he never went in no matter how he tried. Something that bugs me is that having 20-20 vision is a must. His cousin even lasered his eyes to get in but he still couldn’t… wth?!?! I thoroughly read the Ambulance services website and the criteria doesn’t say ‘…must have perfect vision’ its kinda…..wrong…..I’m not letting that as a disadvantage…
So….that’s it from me for now.
Been a tad busy recently. I’ve been going to St Albans to have a look at the units and see if it does look like the picture on the website. I was supposed to have a week off cos I wasn’t on the roster but when I went to check my roster for next week (which I wasn’t on again…) my manager saw me and begged me to work…..’now’ in a way… he gave me about an hour or two to get ready for work. And I was in my casual clothes. Meh….I had nothing to do. My outing with my friend was cancelled and it was changed to today… but it was cancelled again. Oh well…
I thought my house hunting had come to an end yesterday… but its not. We were intending to end this house hunting yesterday…. But getting a place to live isn’t official yet. It’s been really really hard. I’ll get back to that shortly.
There seems to be paranoia in the streets… ppl start to get out and ask us what we were doing and others peaked through their window. Yesterday we limited the number of houses to a few. Well….two in St Albans… one was a unit on the main road. Went for the inspection…outside looked nice and inside looked decent from the pictures on the net. We went in and the agent said that the unit doesn’t have gas. (!!!!) and we noticed a thick crack on the wall that ran from the roof to almost the floor. (just a plaster crack…but still….there’s a lot of work to be done) and the family isn’t moving til at least 60 days. That’s almost 4 months… 4 months of me driving there!!!
Well chances are…I’m not gonna move houses in time…
The other unit in St Albans….we cancelled the inspection cos my family is paranoid that I’m gonna get hurt. There are big trees on both the front and back of the house… and its bad luck in a way….
So…..its possibly that I’ll be moving to Sunshine. Which is near St Albans.
I went to one unit and it was like….30 mins til inspection time so my dad and my bro went out to the other unit in Sunshine to check the outside. Turns out it didn’t look as good as the picture for the balcony is rusted and stuff…and no parking space.
So 0 in St Albans. 1 in Sunshine.
The unit is newly renovated so it is in good condition. Big parking space. Bus stop, shops and train station are nearby. Like 5-10 mins walk. And I spoke to a few neighbours in that….10 unit place…most of them are elderly and retired. So its quiet. And they are friendly. Oh and there is a reserve across the road. Another family and some….other guy turned up to the inspection as well….so it’s a competition as to who gets it first. We already made an offer… we just need to wait for a phonecall to see if we do get it. I really do hope I do live there. The neighbours are nice and they know EVERYONE there. Meaning they look after each other. Compared to the unit in St Albans….
Soo…I’m starting to lose hope…..what’s kinda bad is that my family is going to the Gold Coast. So we can’t house hunt and stuff…
Yesterday my family also went out to eat and catch up with our relatives who came for a visit from Perth. They know that I’m changing course and my cousins husband, who is a doctor, said something along the lines of ‘it’s interesting on what you’ll do’ and mentioned his cousin wanted to be a paramedic but he never went in no matter how he tried. Something that bugs me is that having 20-20 vision is a must. His cousin even lasered his eyes to get in but he still couldn’t… wth?!?! I thoroughly read the Ambulance services website and the criteria doesn’t say ‘…must have perfect vision’ its kinda…..wrong…..I’m not letting that as a disadvantage…
So….that’s it from me for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
