Causes insanity in my mind.
Man it’s the first time that I felt so depressed during the holidays. Haven’t stop thinking about ‘it’ since I came back from the Gold Coast. Tho… I rather find out the truth sooner than later. Gives me more time to think.
Everyone’s gone to the beach today. I don’t really feel like going. It would be easier to get around with my car… but then again…after my stupidity at the Gold Coast… I don’t think I’ll be going back in a long time….
Yes… thinking about ‘it’ is making me feel emo >.< I feel like I can’t do anything helpful now… I feel so…dead. And useless.
Normally in a situation like this, I need my sister. And every time I think about ‘it’ I think about her… well like…wth…. I think about her every single day. I keep thinking, “maybe… maybe if I go in her mind like I sometimes do to others…. I’ll solve this quicker and all would be well”
*thinks*
*thinks harder*
….ppl say I’m JUST like her but I’m NOT like her at all!!!
This is hopeless… I can’t do anything…. I’m lying on the ground…. Lost…. Surrendered…. Tired…. Ready to take any foreign object to go in my body. Let my demons take over my mind once in a while, before I fight again.
I’m just being stupid… I dunno… why do I go all depressed if I got an offer that’s takes me one step towards my career?
Was it worth filling in 11 forms and 2 interview-style questionnaires at why I deserve to be their student?
I dunno… sis said to open more doors… she said… to also apply to unis in the west side… that way… if I do go there, I’ll live with her… she said that she needs to keep an eye on me…………….
*holds back tears* I’m fine.
So…what is ‘it’ and why is ‘it’ making me go insane?
Well…. Vic uni…. Getting closer to getting a place to live…. Fees needs to paid…. Etc etc etc….
Then my friend reminded me to check my UAC offer on the net
(oh crap…I should check mine too… but I’m 100% POSITIVE that I will not get an offer in main round)
*checks*
(I’m in big trouble…………)
My offer was my first preference to do paramedics at Charles Sturt Bathurst in NSW
And I immediately think of the pros and cons…. Go back to research to refresh her mind.
Why do I deserve an offer to study at a top 10 uni?
I mean…..my predictions are normally right….. my results were like…. 10 points below standard….. and apparently I ignored their everyday phonecalls while I was at Gold Coast. And I’m given an opportunity to study at one of the top paramedic places. Nah….that can’t be right…. *looks again* ……………….*is speechless……*
WHY?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?! My prediction is wrong!!!!!!!!!!! No!!!!!!!!
Pros to go to NSW:
- Top 10 uni~ in aus
- Better education
- I believe that I don’t have to pay…its CSP
- I can explore Bathurst and is more likely to study better is a different environment.
- Don’t really need to worry about house hunting… there’s on campus accommodation
- It’s a trimester not a semester….. I get a whole September off and a min 3 weeks off in June and….i can’t remember ^.^”
Pros to go to Vic Uni:
- Clinical placements in first year
- Able to work at Kmart knox
- Don’t need to worry about what stuff to take with me…. I can take as many things I want to St Albans/Sunshine
- At least I can see my family every weekend…
- According to the ENTER scores the highest for vic uni is paramedics
Cons to go to NSW:
- Lose my job completely….
- Need to pay accommodation (like a bit over $4600)
- Need airplane tickets… (like….$1000 a year going back and forth)
- I have me….and a luggage…..so I have to carry only my necessities…
- It will be a long time to see my family again
- And….who’s gonna drive my car???
- $$$ spend on books and uniform?
- It’s a waste of all that effort that my family went to to get a unit…
Cons to go to Vic Uni:
- *cough* slightly *cough*dodgy* cough education ? (look at the ENTER scores..)
- St Albans??? A tad unsafe to go out at night…
- Need to contribute partially to my fees….. like…almost $3000
- Books are really expensive o.o and uniform….
- On campus accommodation not provided…house hunt….
- In a RISK of losing my job…. (found out last night)
I cbb counting which is better….. the only thing I’m most worried about is:
“what at the chances that the ambulance service will employ me cos I graduated from vic uni compared to a top 10 uni like Charles Sturt?”
One of my relatives…cousin….studied to be a paramedic….but he never got a job for no reason!!! He even lasered his eyes and he still could get in…. o.0
Is that gonna happen to me too?
But I do agree with what Kriz and Yvonne said… it’s all about the effort…
But several places tend to look at “where were they from” first. Employment rates at unis are different…Monash is almost 100%
Sigh… either way….i’m either gonna lose my job….or I’m at a risk of losing my job. I need to work a minimum of 2 shifts a week to secure my position.
I still wonder why I’m still chosen to study at NSW… maybe because….
- I aced my questionnaire? It was all like interview type questions on why I deserve to be a paramedic
- They are sympathetic??? I mentioned in my questionnaire my problem last year
- I’m from interstate?? o.0 just like my high school friend who is studying interstate.
Well….now that I know that offer exists….i and still waiting on the UAC letter….
*hears postman taking some time at my letterbox….*
I have a feeling my family is gonna find out soon….. this is gonna be ugly…. I think I should go there and chuck it out before they see it….
Dad’s soo nosey >.> he’s opening my Deakin letters I chucked out…. That’s nursing at Deakin (Geelong) dw I shall be spared from the deakin anime club XD
Sigh…. I think I should end this long long blog…..
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*hugs lesley*
ReplyDeleteT_T at least you did the pros and cons thing.
if you think your dad finding about your offer is bad... then, i find that strange. because i would have thought most people will be thrilled to know their daughter has been accepted to a uni that's far away but has made the choice to stay nearer where her parents live. @@
*hugs* absence makes the heart grow fonder... especially when a person dies... you just can't help recalling them.. a lot... ^^;;;
First up, congratulations on getting an offer for Charles Sturt! Do tell your family, wouldn't they be pleased that their daughter got offered a place into a top 10 aussie uni?
ReplyDeleteRather than wondering *why* you got chosen, you should be looking in the mirror and smiling at yourself because you *did* get chosen!
Whatever you choose, I'd probably list your job as lost... Sure going to NSW will means it's definite, but a one hour commute to and from work if you go to vic uni won't work out in the long run, you'll need to find something a bit closer. And one thing there isn't a shortage off is part time or casual jobs for uni students, wherever you go.
Congrats again!
I can only nod firmly at what Damien has stated. He's absolutely right. Definitely at least tell your family, Lesley, and accept that you're an awesome person, which is why a ton 10 uni wants ya! ^.^ Aside from that, ignore all of us, including your family, and think to yourself "Do I want this opportunity? Am I 'settling' by going to Vic uni?" *hugs*
ReplyDeletejust eat cheese
ReplyDeleteCongrats on that offer you got!! Uhh... I have no right to say anything but whatever choice you made (although I already know your end choice) I'm sure it was the right one. And all we can do is step forward and keep walking towards our goal. :D All I can say is, please don't ever end up in regret like me. It's a mistake of mine also to always look behind... instead of making do with what's ahead. :D
ReplyDeleteI'll be cheering for ya!