Placement closer to home

Placement yesterday was at Rowville  and it was actually close to hoe that I could walk there lol. But I didn't.. I chose to take the car instead. I didn't want to walk in the rain. And maybe my wet weather gear could come into use for once!

 

This particular branch is kinda hidden that I didn't even noticed that I've been driving past it everyday D:

 

When I found the unit, I saw the emblem on the window and curtains closed…. I wasn't sure if anyone was there and I took a peek (hehe) and see what I think the night crew ppl still sleeping. I felt a bit guilty if I woke them up by knocking on the door to let me in… but it was starting to rain and I didn't want to be left outside in the rain xD and they prob can see me through the frosted glass door that i might as well revea myself..

 

One of the guys let me in and he looked a bit different. I couldn't spot it for a while until I saw his epaulet. (which are those tags on the shoulders. Which I had to buy separately..

 

(holy crap, it's blue!!!!!) it's that graduate paramedic epaulets I saw on a piece of paper~~ I get to see on in real life and he's wearing it~~

*stares at her epaulets….* boring… plain… and yellow.. and just says "student paramedic"

So one day when I graduate, I'll wear those blue ones~ it's so pretty~~

 

Hmm… yesterday was super quiet. And when I walked around the branch, I saw my name and 2 other ppls who were supposed to be my crew… but they weren't there.. and I didn't see a team manager there.. and my current crew were from Springvale and Frankston @.@

 

Crew 1: where do you live?

Me: I live… just around the corner

Crew 1 to crew 2 (who was doing the daily check in the truck): we got a local!

Me:…………

 

We were like.. so bored.. one of them kept napping while the other was checking his emails. And I just stared at the tv screen that had the sport channel on and hopped on and off on msn on my phone. When the other guy finished checking his emails, he was like.. "everyone is on the move… just not us.."

 

I wasn't surprised that I will not get a job lol. Sometimes stared out the window and see pouring rain and kinda wished that there would be some car accident on stud/wellington road XD.

 

I watched the clock ticked from 7am…………to 8am…….to 9am……almost to 10am….. and we finally got a job! And on the way the traffic stopped cos of an oversized vehicle turning into the road we're turning into -.- we had our sirens and lights but its annoying how some drivers just don't obey!

 

After that I kinda skipped the lunch break…… I thought I could like.. sneak out and go next door and buy food or something, also kinda tempted to ring mum to cook me dumplings and bring it to me since I'm not far away lol! But I wasn't sure if we'll get a call by the time I get my lunch… I only had ice cream to survive throughout the day lol (yes I ate ice cream for breakfast at 6:25am when it was cold outside) I pretty much ate nothing during placement.

 

There was another job shortly after finishing the first one and then we went back and it all started again =.=. but this time my crew were sleeping and I was the only one awake and staring at the tv… which was more sport…. (cars racing) and even that finished and started this Michael Jackson's old tv concert to celebrate his birthday. I was pretty bored that I was on msn and talked to Phe for a moment.

 

1pm…to 2pm….to 3pm… I wasn't surprised if I got no job at all for the remainder of the day… but we did get one. (I was praying that my day won't end up with death again)

 

So we finished our last job and we were still in Angliss Hospital and our ambo work station (yes we have paperwork to do) was in front of this children's play area, it's like.. the cutest thing that made my day! I watched the nurse saying to the girl that her mum/grandma was "this way" and then they walked past us. about a few minutes later we were on our way to our truck and we see that lil kid again and I assume her mum or grandma…

 

Mum/grandma: OH!!!!PARAMEDICS!!!! YOU'RE DOING SUCH A BRAVE THING!! BEING A PARAMEDIC!!!

My thoughts: oh shoot!! Was she talking to me?!?! *stares at her uniform looking for the word "paramedic" (which I sadly don't have)*

Mum/grandma: GOOD JOB!!! KEEP IT UP!!!!!

Me: thank you…

 

And that convo took place in front of the visitors room where the parents of the patient we looked after was staring at us and saw the whole thing >.<

The belief of happy endings

Yes I admit… today I spent the afternoon procrastinating instead of studying for the test. But at the same time…during the procrastination.. is when I also learnt about myself.

 

I have finally started rewatching my second season of Criminal Minds. I was a bit reluctant in watching it again for a stupid reason… seeing dead bodies/corpses lol. But in real life, they see more of those compared to what I will see in the future.

 

But there was this one episode…at the end… and one of my favourite characters is making his last appearance on that episode. And what he says in the end kind of reflects of what I've been going through recently.

 

The last episode of season 1 (I think..), Gideon (the character I admire for his wisdom) was involved in a crime scene where a serial killer killed his best friend/work collegue/"date". And he was grieving for his loss. And since then he didn't focus 100% in his job. At his last appearance, he was paying for his meal at a café and the waitress has a convo with him:

 

Waitress:"You got enough to eat, honey?"
Gideon:"Oh yeah"
Waitress:"Travelling?"
Gideon:"Yeah."
Waitress:"Where you headed?"
Gideon:"No where in particular."
Waitress:"How will you know when you get there?"
Gideon:"[Smiling and thinking]That's a good question.  [Glances at Waitress's name tag]Rose, that's a good question. Have a great day."
Waitress:"You too."
 
Gideon [narrating]: "I guess I'm just looking for it again. For the belief I had back in college. The belief I had when I first seen Sarah, and it all seems so right."
Reid's voice of reading Gideon's letter:" The belief of happy endings."

I guess that was what I was seeking for recently. So I can move on. A belief that I had in high school. That things will be better in the future if I just be strong and push on.

 

In the past week I had been wondering why I was here. Why this job of all others? Is this my destiny to do pursue this career? Am I capable enough to do this?

 

And at the same time, I was torn between friends and work. Yes I have changed a lot… I guess I've been a complete opposite compared to last year. I kinda felt that some people aren't accepting this 'new' me. and with my lack of social-ness with them now, I also feel excluded. My priorities… or people I feel I don't blend in anymore? I had moments where I don't remember what I did last year. When I recently went to monash to retrace my steps last weekend and also to show a bit of support before their performance for manifest, they called me a name that I have not heard in such a long time that I forgot lol. Well recently I seem to wake up confused.. (no I do not take illicit drugs) like.. sometimes I wonder where I was… or what day it is. And when I know the answer I felt stupid cos I never was that confused. Wth I should know where I am first thing in the morning!!

 

Anyways… I think I was thinking the same questions for… a week and a half? And tbh, I was still a bit traumatized from an incident. I had a few questions from friends asking about my old pm on msn "PTSD? It's too early…" I've like.. literally suppressed that memory but certain things remind me of it and it just comes back to me. And I cried cos I was scared that it's going to come back again. And I came to realise that I was in a high risk of PTSD. Why on earth did I pick a career that has a high risk of PTSD?

 

I prefer to be alone in times like this. Sort things out. Away from friends. Away from those people that won't accept me for who I am now. Like how Gideon went driving off to find an answer. But then again.. there was a darn test to freaking study so that had to come first lol! Thinking can go later.

 

But now, after watching Gideon driving off on the country road and saying that he was finding a belief in happy endings, I think that was the answer I was looking for.

 

Chose this job to save lives… although I haven't actually encountered an incident where I saved someone's life and felt good about it, I believe I will someday in the future. I will make something out of this job. If there was an unfortunate incident, I will still think about all the other ppl I save. Whatever happens, I will pull through. My only happy goal is to successfully finish this course and to see my lecturers watch me grow, as I've watched myself grow. From a shy girl who would not talk to anyone, afraid on needles and having lack of confidence, to a paramedic who is a leader and also acts as a social worker and can talk to just about anyone.

 

As for friends… there's a saying that friends are there to support one another. I learnt that I can't hide it all. Too much on my shoulders that I couldn't do it alone sometimes. Especially the pain of having to not tell anyone about certain information. Right now, I am extremely grateful to have kriz as my friend. She knew my problems from the beginning so I had a tendency to go to her and talk about just about anything. Last weekend we talked for hours~~ and managed to tease Alex at the same time XD

Going to uni made me feel better

Yesterday I done nothing. Absolutely NOTHING! Yesterday I was still moping about placement.

 

Today at 7:10am I forced myself out of bed. But did tasks slowly. Ended up being JUST in time for a lecture.. which I forgot was just watching a movie lol! Ehh.. the movie was interesting.

 

Saw a friend who I used to work with last semester and we talked about placement. Didn't really tell him what I did hehe. I was more interested in hearing his story of his placement. Omg love how he tells his stories. Cos e turns something freaky into something funny!! XD lol I felt better cos his case was 100 times worse than mine!!

 

Today was one of those annoying days where we get 1 hour break, then lecture, then one hour break again =.=

 

The second one hour break, I didn't want to buy lunch at the café cos the prices went up!! I normally buy lasagna and the price is up by almost a dollar!! My $8 pho meal is cheaper than 1lasagna and a small soup at the café… so I decided to go out to the shops to buy some seaweed cos my nephew wanted more. There was a new thai/jap shop that opened. My main intention was to see if they sell soba.. but a majority of the small shop was thai but oh well.. it's the only shop that sells pocky!

 

So I bought my seaweed, happy that I bought snacks for my next 10 min break between lectures. A tad disappointed that the bakery didn't have the bread I wanted for lunch. My fav pho restaurant is closed for renovation. And a table with several pieces of paper stuck on the edge mentioning churros.

 

Churros??? There's churros in St Albans??????

 

And I looked at the shop and it was a vegetarian viet restaurant.

 

….this is new… I never seen this @.@ but the location of that restaurant means I never see it anyway lol! Hmm.. *see the guy on the other side of the window putting icing sugar on the thin doughsticks* I'll try those churros for lunch!!

 

So I walked in, stuck my head through the door as the previous customers walked out and the guy saw me and cheerfully said "you want some churros!!!????" and he immediately snip a sample off a stick and offers it to me before I could say anything!!

 

I quite liked it, so I asked for more churros ^^. And they were made fresh in front of me. and while he was cooking, he strike up a convo saying that this is a vegetarian restaurant. I observed the room and I noticed a few baskets of flowers and red ribbon, meaning that this place is new.

 

Hmm.. since my fav place is closed and won't open for a while, it won't hurt to try here. Now…. Where is the menu… *looks around more*

 

Dammit that guy cooking my churros must have been a mindreader cos while he was multitasking helping other customers, he pulled out a menu and a business card!

 

Guy: have you had churros before??

Me: yeah, but I don't usually eat them often…

Guy: where do you get your churros?

Me: the closest one I know is on the one in Glen Waverley which is.. *waves her arm away*

Guy: ahh… you from the other side of town?

Me: yes…I'm wanted to buy your churros so I realise I don't have lunch today

Guy: ahhh ok!

Me: um.. is this place new?

Guy: yeah, we opened.. the Saturday before.. Saturday! *puts icing suger on my churros* oh and here is a menu. I haven't put them up on the menu cos I don't have enough copies, but do let your friends know about this place! And here is out business card.

Me: SURE!! I'll come here one day and try the food out~ *even tho its 50 cents more, wouldn't mind vegetarian food*

 

I was in a relatively good mood compared to the past 2 days. Had another 20 mins until the next lecture. So I just sat there and slowly ate my churros. But then I was kinda full cos I ate other food already x.x and I saw another friend and we talked about placement. The word "placement" was a pretty popular gossip today. And she asked what cases I had. Even though Sunday was really quiet that I sat at the branch and did nothing for 2 hours…I told her my cases in detail. But not too much detail that it breaches the guidelines. And she could tell what I was concerned about yesterday. But I didn't had time to tell her another factor of this case.. if I did she'll prob slap me and tell me to stop whining. But I'm kinda glad I get to talk about placement within uni. And in our clinical lecture where we get to hear more placement stories, it was good that someone got something a bit more interesting.