It's like...past 2am..and I can't sleep =.=
and I was kinda hoping to go to gym for the first time in a week... in the morning lol XD
It's...now the 6th week of uni (...........*thinks of this 'week 7 test' she has to do and checks the calender again*)
...gee....time sure does fly... next week is holidays~ (hmm...what to do with the leftover food o.o)
that also means...
one clinical placement..... (still haven't made a lil tour over there yet >.<)
anyways... 6th week of uni.....still haven't made a 'friend' to hang out with...met ppl here and there....but like...we're all not that close yet...when we do talk and get to know each other...the main questions we ask (well...i get them anyway...) are:
1. "Where are you from?"
2. occasionally the "How old are you?"
almost everyone that i talked to the past 6 weeks are older than me D: (ranging from 22-46)
and i thought i was the oldie when i joined... having to be transfered from monash...after one year...i thought i'll be surrounded by 16-18 year olds again D: I went to see my lecturer so i can pick up my essay draft and the first thing she asked me was (after having a glimpse of me) was:
"school leaver are you??"
......???? no....
"haha then what are you?"
........erm...i transferred...(i couldnt think of anything to say lol....i just wanted my essay draft XD)
I've also heard that a second year student is organising a trip to Nepal after the exams finish and all. Sounds so interesting...working in emergency care and wound management in orphanages. And it would look good on the resume too... but the thing was that I'll miss the first week of uni when sem 2 starts... and I also don't know many ppl yet... so...I'll try again next year... it's also an expensive trip... almost $2500, which includes accomodation, insurance, airfare, visa for 30 days...
At the start of the 5th week... I started to become sick =.=... so i'm recovering now... since I went back to the doctor and he gave me meds... I still don't have my voice back.. was supposed to meet Mel yesterday but I didn't want her sick... and yesterday was such a nice day.... I wanted to go under the sun... So I went to see celiney and keep her company while she makes her last show of SCUM. The show was interesting...made more sense when i read that pamphlet...
And after that, Khanat, Kriz and Alex2 came to monash to see me~ It was good to see them again. kinda made me felt like my 5 weeks of not seeing them felt like yesterday...wah~~~ celiney is soo skinny~~~~ more skinny than I am... o.o (prob cos i'm working my body and slowly toning up so i look more bigger built @.@) I wonder what i'll look like at the end of this gym thing o.o (I dont wanna go there yet~~)
Today was thinking of keeping company with celine at supernova but i was soo tired.... and i still lost my voice T.T and i blame that connex timetable for changing...for today only!! So i was worried that i might not be able to get back home cos it runs express at night. *sigh*
I dyed my hair today....I wanted to see what I may look like when i do dye it permanently at the salon later in the year...and i'm getting tired of this.... weird brown colour...and dying my own hair is hard..... =.= so the colour might be....a bit unbalanced... the packet says "blueberry".....no idea why when its ike blackish purple... now my hair reminds me of ribenna.... =.=""""""""""
I do like it tho.... (without the slight unbalanced issue...) I don't think i'll be in trouble during placement XD. It's like..black-ish and the ribenna colour shows under the sun XD
Maybe after this washes off...I'll try that red-ish dye...
Uniforms for uni are a pain... they cost more $$$$$
I bought my wet-weather gear... (don't think i'll be using it tho lol...fluoro yellow) $222
paramedic overalls (apparently we don't wear clothes underneath D: (and i mean...jeans and shirts...) $175
"student paramedic" shoulder tags $8
my navy pants bought at glenny (damn need to buy more also) $22
vic uni polo top (i bought 2..) $24 each
my navy jumper that i bought today (was hoping for a school jumper...but i got a cardie.. and i hate cardies...but i'll get this one for now...try knox when i come back) $29.95
boots (needed new and comfy ones) $60
vic uni lanyard $5
googles (bought 2 different styles) $13 each
helmet (which i need to buy....somewhere~~) $29.95 online from officeworks...
sigh....so many.....going to bed now since it's amost 3 D:
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Footprints
One night I dreamed I was walking along the
beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one set of footprints.
--------.:~:.--------
This bothered me because I noticed that during the
low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
--------.:~:.--------
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying
periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the
sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been
there for me?”
--------.:~:.--------
The Lord replied, “ The years when you have seen only one
set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson
You are not alone. There will always be someone by your side all the way
beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one set of footprints.
--------.:~:.--------
This bothered me because I noticed that during the
low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
--------.:~:.--------
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying
periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the
sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been
there for me?”
--------.:~:.--------
The Lord replied, “ The years when you have seen only one
set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson
You are not alone. There will always be someone by your side all the waySunday, March 15, 2009
All the feelings in one bottle
I had a dream last night and it got me thinking... "Is that what I feel now?"
I was surrounded by eerie dark shade. I couldn't see anything. Then I saw a glow...kinda formed into a human figure... and....it was laughing...at me...
"W-why...are you laughing??" I said
And that figure was laughing even harder
??????
and then a loud echo floated across the space:
"FOOL!" and just continued on laughing.
.....................................
I must've got really mad at some point cos I was trying to fight. Punching, kicking, jumping... anything... But no matter how hard I punched or kicked, it was very very uneffective... mainly cos most of the time, it kept dodging my blows. I wasn't strong enough no matter how hard and how accurate I put into it.
After a long battle, it was finally defeated...the glow light dimmered... I was really tired....
*lies back down on the ground*
.... and I heard laughing again....
I got up and saw two figures laughing at me. I was feeling even more frustrated and ended up fighting both of them... and once they were gone, they just keep going and going. And multiplying every time once a figure is gone. I was too tired to do anything that I just collapsed...and I woke up...
.....odd.............dream.......... =.=
It kinda reminded me of another dream...last week? or maybe a few days ago...
Can't remember how it started... but I was doing a normal activity and knocked out of my consciousness... seriously can't remember.... prob got hit by a car or got attacked on the street/home *shrugs* nooooo idea....then...
It was a fine day...and I was walking...I knew straight away I was in Monash. But...it was soooooo quiet.....so....empty... not one person in sight. "Must've been a weekend", I thought
walkie walkie~ to...the campus centre...empty.... went up the stairs...
Sooo.....quiet...... o.o
And I found myself walking to the Main Dining Hall. And only one person was there. A girl... Asain girl with her ponytail, a beige jumper and demin jeans...And she looked at me after doing some work on her folder.
"About time!" the girl said.
.................................
holy crap...... wth am I doing here..... and wth is my sister doing here?!?!?!?!
"Looking after you as usual," she explained, "Now hurry up, I got some work to do"
....."Is it...the weekend?" I asked.
"What are you talking about.. It's Wednesday."
"...Then why aren't there many ppl around...?"
"It's always quiet here...."
We ended up walking to the eng building together... Mechanical emg of course... went to this room...I remember that room... I went in there while she did her honours project, when I was a little child.
We were...discussing....stuff.... Talking about vic uni...the moving house thing...the nephews... then the next thing she said to me was...
"You're not like me you know...You're not strong enough..."
"I know... But I'm trying..."
"Be careful.... You're not safe"
"................................I'm....not?"
"You're all alone now... You gotta do it on your own"
and that darn alarm clock woke me up >.> grr......
I kinda dismissed that...It was...after all...a dream...
But I'm kinda one of those that take dreams seriously... Sometimes I wonder if it's a coincidence... or more like deja vu...
But those two dreams are probably reflecting how I feel atm...
Lonliness: omg I don't know how to cope if I was in NSW... I'm grateful I got my dog to keep me company. Or I could be EXTREMELY depressed... I'm starting to miss the usual social lunches... sad I missed the BBQ... everyday at the cafe, I sit alone...with no one to talk to. Hover around the chat and msn, but hardly anyone was there... It's almost a month now... last year in Monash I was alone for like...2 weeks... til I befriended Angelique. So glad she was there to keep me company...lol..even with her mind in the gutter, she was still a nice person. Someone I always depend on... someone to sit next to in lectures and tutes... copy notes cos I missed them
Happiness: I'm happy at times. Watching youtube vids that were related to the lecture was funny XD. Met most ppl in my discussion group and did the "getting to know you" (omg... surrounded by....shall I say... mature age ppl? my group has 10 ppl.... 8 of them older than me... and this girl was the only one fresh out of high school) Met.... a girl who's around her....40s.... and she goes to the gym around the same time as I do. She's in my course as well. And I wanted to tag along with her when it came to "Self directed learning", which is where we turn up to uni and practice what we learnt so far.
Sadness: The balance of happiness... somehow my eyes were crying after I woke up with wierd dreams... but other than that.... I'm a bit sad that I can't visit monash everyday...and that camp thing... I dunno if I can go... at the same time, I wanna keep mum company...but...I dunno when I'm gonna see my friends again...I got one clinical placement on the 6th April...but like...I think mum wants to give me chores to keep me busy... =.=
Paranoia: Ok... This "westside" thing is starting to impact me. I get really scared that something bad is going to happen. I was taking the bins out at night and I heard footsteps. My heart was racing but I kept wlking anyway. Was kinda relieved that it was one of my neighbours on the other side of the fence walking. But still... Every time, I open the door to let my dog out, I was scared that suddenly a hand just comes out of no where and grabs mine as well. Maybe someone somehow sneaked into my house (yes..there are times I left the door open for 20 seconds.....) and maybe hid somewhere... I really should stop reading that local newspaper....which is filled with recent mug attacks, ppl in critical condition...etc etc =.=
"I dunno": I had chats with a few people on this... (not gonna mention their names) But I did confess to....I think...one person (perhaps two...) that sometimes I felt that I shouldn't go back to monash... At the same time, I do want to visit, but something(s) are holding me back. (hence the "I dunno"). The things thats holding me back is how people changed so SO much since I'm gone. And I told that one person (or 2...) that I found out that ppl went NUTS since I'm not there anymore. Swearing went up by 250%, immaturity levels went up even higher. (prob the absence of my aura). Lurking around the chat forum now is making me feel a lil bit uncomfortable... That person did agree...
So...I dunno...if I should go back.... we got like.... "more than we lost" so.... I'm also trying to say here is that me not turning up doesn't make a difference at all. They're having tons of fun without me there. And having lots of fun getting the "freedom of my aura". So I'm a bit worried that if I do turn up....ppl aren't gonna be happy cos they would feel restricted that they have to lower their language from R-rated to PG rated and mind what they say...
Disappointment: I think this person changed a lot...or maybe I wasn't....looking hard enough... but with the inappropriate content at me, I kinda felt like, I'm losing respect... (sure it was a "joke" but seriously...sometimes it went too far that I couldn't stand it anymore) Reflecting from the incident from last year, during my "moaning period", sometimes I ask myself... "why didn't I strom off? Why did I stay there?" well...I didn't want to cause any dramas.... I tried to be brave and confront that person with as little words as possible (cos I was fighting my feelings inside at the same time). Kinda thankful that someone got my back and put an end to it. (Thanked him on msn that night. I just wanted to be strong.....) but.....even though I hear ppl say that that person is nice and caring... Sometimes I felt that I could feel the same and get some respect and be treated the same....Other than that... I feel disappointed at myself too...
Frustration: I'm just...frustrated at myself for getting these feelings over and over again. I can't wait for time to pass and be able to jump over this wall that I'm currently facing...I'm gonna be spending another painful week by myself... It's only 3 weeks since I last saw my friends...but it felt like YEARS! I just wanna go back and see them but I just don't have the TIME! T.T I wish I could have fun here but it's not the same...
Weak: Ok...I know it doesn't make sense.... But I just wanna be strong.... I'm trying to 'harden' my outside and hide my feelings inside... I just...want to be strong right now.... Kinda delaying a moment I have to write about cos it relates to my topic for the whole sem... my group topic is "grieving people" and my first task that I have to do on my own is to write an event where I dealt with "grieving people" and that's... taking me back to 6 months ago.... where the police went to my house one Tuesday night.... to going to the morgue....to the countless emails I received from co-workers/friends/relatives...to the funeral...
Determination: Apart from all that... There are things that do keep me going and I'm gonna keep my head held up. The reason why I'm here, right now, is the viscous layer on top that doesn't mix with these feelings... I'm gonna be joyous with all the good times and just keep going.
On another note, there were fun times at uni... the prac was...well...someone was always there to keep the prac entertaining and give us all a laugh... Last week, we were practising with loading the stretcher on and off the truck (just an imitation truck..not a real one..) and man....its soo heavy once someone is on x.x we're just not used to pushing/pulling with our ENTIRE body... we were all using our arms to do all the work.. x.x
We had a guy on the stretcher. All strapped in and all. I'm guessing his weight was around....70kgs...man I got no strength in my arms.....-.- lol and I got like... 2 other girls to help me to push the stretcher on the truck.
"PUSH!!!!!!!", we all said. It's like...3 girls pushing one guy in a truck XD lol and the undercarriage was a lil rough.. the poor guy xD and once we were done he was like.. "sound's like you're giving birth or something"
all 3 girls were like... -.-"""
me: "let's leave him there...."
*turns around and pretends to walk off* XD
eh..the stretchers will take...some getting used to...
I was surrounded by eerie dark shade. I couldn't see anything. Then I saw a glow...kinda formed into a human figure... and....it was laughing...at me...
"W-why...are you laughing??" I said
And that figure was laughing even harder
??????
and then a loud echo floated across the space:
"FOOL!" and just continued on laughing.
.....................................
I must've got really mad at some point cos I was trying to fight. Punching, kicking, jumping... anything... But no matter how hard I punched or kicked, it was very very uneffective... mainly cos most of the time, it kept dodging my blows. I wasn't strong enough no matter how hard and how accurate I put into it.
After a long battle, it was finally defeated...the glow light dimmered... I was really tired....
*lies back down on the ground*
.... and I heard laughing again....
I got up and saw two figures laughing at me. I was feeling even more frustrated and ended up fighting both of them... and once they were gone, they just keep going and going. And multiplying every time once a figure is gone. I was too tired to do anything that I just collapsed...and I woke up...
.....odd.............dream.......... =.=
It kinda reminded me of another dream...last week? or maybe a few days ago...
Can't remember how it started... but I was doing a normal activity and knocked out of my consciousness... seriously can't remember.... prob got hit by a car or got attacked on the street/home *shrugs* nooooo idea....then...
It was a fine day...and I was walking...I knew straight away I was in Monash. But...it was soooooo quiet.....so....empty... not one person in sight. "Must've been a weekend", I thought
walkie walkie~ to...the campus centre...empty.... went up the stairs...
Sooo.....quiet...... o.o
And I found myself walking to the Main Dining Hall. And only one person was there. A girl... Asain girl with her ponytail, a beige jumper and demin jeans...And she looked at me after doing some work on her folder.
"About time!" the girl said.
.................................
holy crap...... wth am I doing here..... and wth is my sister doing here?!?!?!?!
"Looking after you as usual," she explained, "Now hurry up, I got some work to do"
....."Is it...the weekend?" I asked.
"What are you talking about.. It's Wednesday."
"...Then why aren't there many ppl around...?"
"It's always quiet here...."
We ended up walking to the eng building together... Mechanical emg of course... went to this room...I remember that room... I went in there while she did her honours project, when I was a little child.
We were...discussing....stuff.... Talking about vic uni...the moving house thing...the nephews... then the next thing she said to me was...
"You're not like me you know...You're not strong enough..."
"I know... But I'm trying..."
"Be careful.... You're not safe"
"................................I'm....not?"
"You're all alone now... You gotta do it on your own"
and that darn alarm clock woke me up >.> grr......
I kinda dismissed that...It was...after all...a dream...
But I'm kinda one of those that take dreams seriously... Sometimes I wonder if it's a coincidence... or more like deja vu...
But those two dreams are probably reflecting how I feel atm...
Lonliness: omg I don't know how to cope if I was in NSW... I'm grateful I got my dog to keep me company. Or I could be EXTREMELY depressed... I'm starting to miss the usual social lunches... sad I missed the BBQ... everyday at the cafe, I sit alone...with no one to talk to. Hover around the chat and msn, but hardly anyone was there... It's almost a month now... last year in Monash I was alone for like...2 weeks... til I befriended Angelique. So glad she was there to keep me company...lol..even with her mind in the gutter, she was still a nice person. Someone I always depend on... someone to sit next to in lectures and tutes... copy notes cos I missed them
Happiness: I'm happy at times. Watching youtube vids that were related to the lecture was funny XD. Met most ppl in my discussion group and did the "getting to know you" (omg... surrounded by....shall I say... mature age ppl? my group has 10 ppl.... 8 of them older than me... and this girl was the only one fresh out of high school) Met.... a girl who's around her....40s.... and she goes to the gym around the same time as I do. She's in my course as well. And I wanted to tag along with her when it came to "Self directed learning", which is where we turn up to uni and practice what we learnt so far.
Sadness: The balance of happiness... somehow my eyes were crying after I woke up with wierd dreams... but other than that.... I'm a bit sad that I can't visit monash everyday...and that camp thing... I dunno if I can go... at the same time, I wanna keep mum company...but...I dunno when I'm gonna see my friends again...I got one clinical placement on the 6th April...but like...I think mum wants to give me chores to keep me busy... =.=
Paranoia: Ok... This "westside" thing is starting to impact me. I get really scared that something bad is going to happen. I was taking the bins out at night and I heard footsteps. My heart was racing but I kept wlking anyway. Was kinda relieved that it was one of my neighbours on the other side of the fence walking. But still... Every time, I open the door to let my dog out, I was scared that suddenly a hand just comes out of no where and grabs mine as well. Maybe someone somehow sneaked into my house (yes..there are times I left the door open for 20 seconds.....) and maybe hid somewhere... I really should stop reading that local newspaper....which is filled with recent mug attacks, ppl in critical condition...etc etc =.=
"I dunno": I had chats with a few people on this... (not gonna mention their names) But I did confess to....I think...one person (perhaps two...) that sometimes I felt that I shouldn't go back to monash... At the same time, I do want to visit, but something(s) are holding me back. (hence the "I dunno"). The things thats holding me back is how people changed so SO much since I'm gone. And I told that one person (or 2...) that I found out that ppl went NUTS since I'm not there anymore. Swearing went up by 250%, immaturity levels went up even higher. (prob the absence of my aura). Lurking around the chat forum now is making me feel a lil bit uncomfortable... That person did agree...
So...I dunno...if I should go back.... we got like.... "more than we lost" so.... I'm also trying to say here is that me not turning up doesn't make a difference at all. They're having tons of fun without me there. And having lots of fun getting the "freedom of my aura". So I'm a bit worried that if I do turn up....ppl aren't gonna be happy cos they would feel restricted that they have to lower their language from R-rated to PG rated and mind what they say...
Disappointment: I think this person changed a lot...or maybe I wasn't....looking hard enough... but with the inappropriate content at me, I kinda felt like, I'm losing respect... (sure it was a "joke" but seriously...sometimes it went too far that I couldn't stand it anymore) Reflecting from the incident from last year, during my "moaning period", sometimes I ask myself... "why didn't I strom off? Why did I stay there?" well...I didn't want to cause any dramas.... I tried to be brave and confront that person with as little words as possible (cos I was fighting my feelings inside at the same time). Kinda thankful that someone got my back and put an end to it. (Thanked him on msn that night. I just wanted to be strong.....) but.....even though I hear ppl say that that person is nice and caring... Sometimes I felt that I could feel the same and get some respect and be treated the same....Other than that... I feel disappointed at myself too...
Frustration: I'm just...frustrated at myself for getting these feelings over and over again. I can't wait for time to pass and be able to jump over this wall that I'm currently facing...I'm gonna be spending another painful week by myself... It's only 3 weeks since I last saw my friends...but it felt like YEARS! I just wanna go back and see them but I just don't have the TIME! T.T I wish I could have fun here but it's not the same...
Weak: Ok...I know it doesn't make sense.... But I just wanna be strong.... I'm trying to 'harden' my outside and hide my feelings inside... I just...want to be strong right now.... Kinda delaying a moment I have to write about cos it relates to my topic for the whole sem... my group topic is "grieving people" and my first task that I have to do on my own is to write an event where I dealt with "grieving people" and that's... taking me back to 6 months ago.... where the police went to my house one Tuesday night.... to going to the morgue....to the countless emails I received from co-workers/friends/relatives...to the funeral...
Determination: Apart from all that... There are things that do keep me going and I'm gonna keep my head held up. The reason why I'm here, right now, is the viscous layer on top that doesn't mix with these feelings... I'm gonna be joyous with all the good times and just keep going.
On another note, there were fun times at uni... the prac was...well...someone was always there to keep the prac entertaining and give us all a laugh... Last week, we were practising with loading the stretcher on and off the truck (just an imitation truck..not a real one..) and man....its soo heavy once someone is on x.x we're just not used to pushing/pulling with our ENTIRE body... we were all using our arms to do all the work.. x.x
We had a guy on the stretcher. All strapped in and all. I'm guessing his weight was around....70kgs...man I got no strength in my arms.....-.- lol and I got like... 2 other girls to help me to push the stretcher on the truck.
"PUSH!!!!!!!", we all said. It's like...3 girls pushing one guy in a truck XD lol and the undercarriage was a lil rough.. the poor guy xD and once we were done he was like.. "sound's like you're giving birth or something"
all 3 girls were like... -.-"""
me: "let's leave him there...."
*turns around and pretends to walk off* XD
eh..the stretchers will take...some getting used to...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Climb
An inspirational song by Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
[Chorus]
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may I know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
[Chorus]
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
~Leisha's~ Plea
My plea goes to those that think that simply not eating will make them lose weight.
Please... It's not a healthy thing to do... Don't suffer the same pain I went through recently please.
Since the incident a while ago, I'll been thinking... how come I didn't notice it earlier?
I'm not as strong as you think I am.
I'm not as fit as some ppl say I am.
And no, that Kmart strength thing doesn't mean I'm strong. I'm weak.
I believe that in the past 6 months, my body is slowly starting to betray me. I'm feeling more weak and tired everyday.
My perception is a lil off... prob why I stumble on items on the floor.
Last week I went to bed at like...9pm-10pm...and yet I still feel tired...
A few days ago I saw too many stars *.*
Now I feel cold and a bit numb.
I used to have a healthy blood pressure of 120/80. Now it went down to 100/60
I was a bit concerned about my health. Now I wanna be the girl 4 years ago, who was slightly unmotivated by PE, but still pulled it through anyway.
I don't wanna be like my sister... I am not going to suffer the same fate.
Now I need to fight back and get my body working the way I want it. By eating well, sleeping well and regular exercise.
Please... It's not a healthy thing to do... Don't suffer the same pain I went through recently please.
Since the incident a while ago, I'll been thinking... how come I didn't notice it earlier?
I'm not as strong as you think I am.
I'm not as fit as some ppl say I am.
And no, that Kmart strength thing doesn't mean I'm strong. I'm weak.
I believe that in the past 6 months, my body is slowly starting to betray me. I'm feeling more weak and tired everyday.
My perception is a lil off... prob why I stumble on items on the floor.
Last week I went to bed at like...9pm-10pm...and yet I still feel tired...
A few days ago I saw too many stars *.*
Now I feel cold and a bit numb.
I used to have a healthy blood pressure of 120/80. Now it went down to 100/60
I was a bit concerned about my health. Now I wanna be the girl 4 years ago, who was slightly unmotivated by PE, but still pulled it through anyway.
I don't wanna be like my sister... I am not going to suffer the same fate.
Now I need to fight back and get my body working the way I want it. By eating well, sleeping well and regular exercise.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
An incident that won't happen again
I swear! Today will be the last time I faint!
>.>
<.<
(well yesterday now...)
Let's see...
This morning I woke up early to buy groceries. I decided to leave Oscar indoors and when i came back, he was sitting on the window sill watching the cars go by.
lol during my grocery shopping I saw "The Dog" stickerbook and it had a dog fone charm in it and I was like "whee~~~ me want~~~" so I bought it and took it home and put stickers on it XD
And then I...mopped the floor.
I had a gym session in uni at....noon...and it was my first ever o.o but all I ended up doing was getting my measurements and body fat recorded. Apparently I got low blood pressure. Which was odd cos I usually have normal. (I think)
I tried that 'sit and reach' test. A test for flexibility. I got 13... If I was marked in the actual test I would get 0 marks... If I was a guy, i would get one point, but girls are supposed to be flexible so.....i need to aim for....above 15
I decided to give the exercise bike a try as well. And that was also to measure my heartrate as well. So I had to go to the change rooms to put that....heart rate monitor on.
In the actual test, the ride will last for 12 mins. but for every 4 mins, the resistance will go up. And I had to keep it at a certain point. (the number 50)
"okies, I'll try~"
Ok so first 4 mins, the resistance was at 1.2. And it was harder than I thought
after that my heart rate was recorded and resistance went up by .5
....... x.x
I did cheat a lil, everytime the instructor wasn't looking, I was using my hands to push my legs to pedal XD
I was feeling soooooo sore after 7mins... but I kept going anyway. After 8 mins, the instructor said I could stop lol (keep in mind the resistance was still on)
"ok!!!!!" *immediately jumps off*
ok, I did expect to feel wobbly legs lol...but.....stars?? and man I couldn't walk straight when I went back to the change rooms to take that monitor off.
And let's keep a long story short. I still had a bit of a clear head as the stars keep going on and off lol, went back after my lil drink of water (and hiding in a corner under the fan XD) to dicuss my custom made program~ and then I had to stand up to look on another computer to make my next appointment. *felt gravity pulling my blood down my body*
..... crap..... not the stars again >.< So i fought back so the stars will go away~~~~~~
instructor: ...you feeling a lil faint?
me: just a little~~~~~~~~~ *rubs forehead* (dammit just makes it worse!)
instructor: ...where are you going?
me: bathroom (so I can puke. Shouldn't have drank water)
I was still clutching my bag so.....I was....still awake... didn't pass out or anything. I headed for the door but I was too late and... fell????? My instructor caught me and dragged me back to my chair. He told me to breathe but it was so difficult.
"That bike took a lot outta you huh?"
So I just...sat... He said that it happens to ppl after they get off the bike too soon.... finally managed to breathe properly and there's not need to puke XD and I wanted to go home before I meet Zac in the city.
The instructor walked me out for a bit in case I fall again. I just felt nausea for the rest of the day =.=
Drove back home for a quick change and rest. Quickly play on facebook lol and head off to the city.
Was surprised that Zac found out about what happened earlier today. Found out from Kriz and i didn't know she was on facebook at the time i updated mine lol XD. Made to eat....but i had bubble tea and was feeling a tad full lol. but bubble tea wasn't lunch so ended up eating dumplings XD
Hehe the outing with Zac was fun. Just went to Duchess so Zac can buy another tatoro cos he lost it XD, and then we went to get more plushies lol and Zac won a giant white yoshi from that hard/annoying game where you press the button to stop that spinning wheel. lol he spent less than half on what he went for to get his mushroom XD
[*adds 2 bux*]
wheel stoopped at -1 so the prize went down to 4
[*adds another 2 bux]
we couldn't be bothered looking XD wheel stopped at 3 XD so the prize was 7!! yay~!
hehe that was fun XD later went to hang around at RMIT and met his friend there and just sat and talked.
By the time I got home, it was 6pm and it was the news. so I stayed up and watched that, then I took a nap and hopefully that fuzziness would go away. Accidently slept in cos I wanted to watch dance. that didnt finish til 9pm and I realised i haven't made dinner yet! lol! So i didn't eat dinner. I didn't have the appetite tbh... and a slight hint of fuzziness was still annoying.... grr.... but at least I could walk without misjudging my perception and running into the doorframe.
>.>
<.<
(well yesterday now...)
Let's see...
This morning I woke up early to buy groceries. I decided to leave Oscar indoors and when i came back, he was sitting on the window sill watching the cars go by.
lol during my grocery shopping I saw "The Dog" stickerbook and it had a dog fone charm in it and I was like "whee~~~ me want~~~" so I bought it and took it home and put stickers on it XD
And then I...mopped the floor.
I had a gym session in uni at....noon...and it was my first ever o.o but all I ended up doing was getting my measurements and body fat recorded. Apparently I got low blood pressure. Which was odd cos I usually have normal. (I think)
I tried that 'sit and reach' test. A test for flexibility. I got 13... If I was marked in the actual test I would get 0 marks... If I was a guy, i would get one point, but girls are supposed to be flexible so.....i need to aim for....above 15
I decided to give the exercise bike a try as well. And that was also to measure my heartrate as well. So I had to go to the change rooms to put that....heart rate monitor on.
In the actual test, the ride will last for 12 mins. but for every 4 mins, the resistance will go up. And I had to keep it at a certain point. (the number 50)
"okies, I'll try~"
Ok so first 4 mins, the resistance was at 1.2. And it was harder than I thought
after that my heart rate was recorded and resistance went up by .5
....... x.x
I did cheat a lil, everytime the instructor wasn't looking, I was using my hands to push my legs to pedal XD
I was feeling soooooo sore after 7mins... but I kept going anyway. After 8 mins, the instructor said I could stop lol (keep in mind the resistance was still on)
"ok!!!!!" *immediately jumps off*
ok, I did expect to feel wobbly legs lol...but.....stars?? and man I couldn't walk straight when I went back to the change rooms to take that monitor off.
And let's keep a long story short. I still had a bit of a clear head as the stars keep going on and off lol, went back after my lil drink of water (and hiding in a corner under the fan XD) to dicuss my custom made program~ and then I had to stand up to look on another computer to make my next appointment. *felt gravity pulling my blood down my body*
..... crap..... not the stars again >.< So i fought back so the stars will go away~~~~~~
instructor: ...you feeling a lil faint?
me: just a little~~~~~~~~~ *rubs forehead* (dammit just makes it worse!)
instructor: ...where are you going?
me: bathroom (so I can puke. Shouldn't have drank water)
I was still clutching my bag so.....I was....still awake... didn't pass out or anything. I headed for the door but I was too late and... fell????? My instructor caught me and dragged me back to my chair. He told me to breathe but it was so difficult.
"That bike took a lot outta you huh?"
So I just...sat... He said that it happens to ppl after they get off the bike too soon.... finally managed to breathe properly and there's not need to puke XD and I wanted to go home before I meet Zac in the city.
The instructor walked me out for a bit in case I fall again. I just felt nausea for the rest of the day =.=
Drove back home for a quick change and rest. Quickly play on facebook lol and head off to the city.
Was surprised that Zac found out about what happened earlier today. Found out from Kriz and i didn't know she was on facebook at the time i updated mine lol XD. Made to eat....but i had bubble tea and was feeling a tad full lol. but bubble tea wasn't lunch so ended up eating dumplings XD
Hehe the outing with Zac was fun. Just went to Duchess so Zac can buy another tatoro cos he lost it XD, and then we went to get more plushies lol and Zac won a giant white yoshi from that hard/annoying game where you press the button to stop that spinning wheel. lol he spent less than half on what he went for to get his mushroom XD
[*adds 2 bux*]
wheel stoopped at -1 so the prize went down to 4
[*adds another 2 bux]
we couldn't be bothered looking XD wheel stopped at 3 XD so the prize was 7!! yay~!
hehe that was fun XD later went to hang around at RMIT and met his friend there and just sat and talked.
By the time I got home, it was 6pm and it was the news. so I stayed up and watched that, then I took a nap and hopefully that fuzziness would go away. Accidently slept in cos I wanted to watch dance. that didnt finish til 9pm and I realised i haven't made dinner yet! lol! So i didn't eat dinner. I didn't have the appetite tbh... and a slight hint of fuzziness was still annoying.... grr.... but at least I could walk without misjudging my perception and running into the doorframe.
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