Envy...

Yesterday during placement, I felt like I was lacking... a lot of experience...even tho it's my 3rd shift...last one is on friday~~~

And I know from the lecture that it requires experience... but still >.<

I'm starting to feel jealous that people can have one look at the person's face and tell about their personality... just by looking!!! Or that they can predict this and that.................

and cos i'm one of the younger-ish ones.... now I feel like wanting to grow up fast enough so I can get that experience.... I needed that yesterday~~~ T.T

I remember when I was a little kid and wanting to grow up quickly and catch up with my cousins and sister...and then as i grow older, I'm having this 'Peter-Pan' syndrome where I just want to be a kid again...

not that I was acting childish........ but it's starting to annoy me when I still have that 'oblivious' trait still working...one too many times....

I don't understand why I still act like this.... the way I am now.... If I had known/predicted back then... I wouldn't have put myself in danger in the first place... I had someone to help guide the way instead...

If he didn't tell me what he was so concerned about...then..... I'll prob be freaking out a lot more from that placement. After he told me, I told him that i didn't even notice at all!!

I could've just taken his word and stayed in the truck....but.....I'll be dealing with ppl who may be like that... so I just wanted to like.... not hide from it... cos then I won't be helpful in the future....if I keep running away from it all...

but still... my personality betrayed me yesterday that i couldn't even save myself. Someone had to do it for me...

I wish i can be like him and my friends who do have that talent... but that talent has to be earned... It's not gifted...(It would be nice if it was.....)